The concept of the family as the basic social unit reaches back into the CREATION account found in Genesis 1-2. A man was to be the husband of one wife and was to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.

Marriage was instituted by God when He declared,

God observed that it was not good for man to be alone, so He decided to make a helper that was fitting for Adam. Adam functioned as God’s representative in the naming of all the animals. In that function, Adam had none of his own species. There is no indication whatsoever that Adam was not content or complaining about his state of solitude. The creation of a woman for Adam was because God saw that he needed a helper, a counterpart. It was God that saw the need for a man to have a woman, and it was God who decided to make one for him. God cared for Adam.

So God fashioned woman and brought her to man. It is interesting to note here that God created woman specifically to be a helper for man.

Help meet means—someone who helps. So we can see clearly that her created function was to help man, her husband. The word, "help" is most often used of God being a help to His people and does not indicate any inferiority or subordination. The man and the woman were to be partners. Each contributing their full abilities to the well being of each other and the family, as well as to the glory of God.

On seeing the woman, Adam exclaimed,

This is one of the most precious verses in the entire bible. God created woman from Adam’s side. When Adam said that she was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, he was declaring that both the rib and a part of his own body was used by God to create her. What better picture can reveal the unity of a marriage partnership? They were to be mutually dependent on each other. This is one of the reasons why Paul in his New Testament epistle of Ephesians makes a great deal about the husband, who loving his wife, loves himself. Why? Because the picture from creation is just that vivid. Woman was created from Adam, by God.

When God created man, the Hebrew word "created" was translated "formed", but when God made the woman, the Hebrew word implies that God gave more careful attention to making the woman.

Then He united the couple and they became "one flesh."

This sentence is quoted by our Lord (Matthew 19:5) and the apostle Paul (Ephesians 5:31) as authority for their teachings on marriage.

This is a very important verse in the Bible as it relates to the subject of marriage. In fact, there are three significant truths in this verse.

First, "A man shall leave father and mother." The word "leave" means to depart from father and mother. Many would like to argue the implications of this verse, but if it means anything, it means just what it says. When a child grows up in the home, he or she is to submit to their parents which is somewhat of a cleaving, a dependency upon them. When a man finds a bride, there is no longer a need to cleave, but to leave!

Easton shares good insight when he said:

Second, "and shall cleave unto his wife." The word "cleave" means to cling, cleave to, to stay with. The original intent of a marriage is for both husband and wife to stay with each other and to cling together. Some translations translate this word "cling" to mean to stick two objects together with glue. The obvious implication is that marriage was meant to be permanent. So long as God’s perspective is the priority in a marriage, the "D" word will never be mentioned. There are multitudes of men and women who leave their parents, but have a long rope attached. Many may leave in body, but not in heart. If you have not left the roost, then you could not possibly follow this imperative in scripture. There can be no cleaving to one another until there is a leaving of parental responsibility. The dualism between mate and parents are often one of the greatest causes for divorce and marital problems ever imaginable. No couple should ever consider marriage unless they are ready to follow God to the letter in this area. No man or woman should have to "try" to lure their wife or husband from their in-laws. It is also plain from the words of our Lord in Matthew 19:6, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder".

Marriage is to endure for the lifetime of the two partners. Only under certain special conditions may the principle of indissolubility be set aside.

Third, "and they two shall be one flesh." Now we are not left to guess what God means about this "one flesh" statement. This is not referring to children, nor some sentimentalism, but to loving our wives as Christ loved the Church and to intercourse.

Thus the family was designed by God to provide companionship for the various members of the family.

Another clear purpose in the creative plan for marriage was procreation-- producing offspring. God instituted marriage so that men and women might complete one another and share in his creative work through the procreation of children.

There is no question that one of the divine purposes of the marital union was to have children. Our society and many others have some of the most horrific views towards children than I have ever seen. It reveals once and again that multitudes of professing believers have no idea (or just don’t care) about God’s clear plan in marriage. Let’s look at the proper attitudes concerning children:

The social structure described in the Old Testament is known as a "patriarchal" society." The word patriarchy means "the rule of the father." The father commanded a high position in the family of Old Testament times. His word was law. In addition, the Hebrew word translated into English as "husband" actually means "lord," "master," "owner," or "possessor."

Because of his position, shared to some degree with his wife, a man expected to be treated as royalty by the rest of his family. The fifth commandment carries this idea of the importance of the parents one step further when it states, "Honor your father and your mother" (Exodus 20:12). The word "honor" often refers to one's response to God. In other words, this commandment suggests that the parents should receive a recognition similar to that given to God.

Along with the honor of the position as head of the family, the father was expected to assume certain responsibilities. These responsibilities can be classified into three categories: Spiritual, social, and economic.

First of all, the father was responsible for the spiritual well-being of the family, as well as the individual members of the family. In the earliest ages the father functioned as the priest of his family sacrificing on their behalf. Later, when a priesthood was established in Israel and the layman no longer functioned at an altar, the father's spiritual role was redefined. Yet, he continued to be the religious leader in the home. This involved the training of the children in godliness.

Socially, the father's responsibility was to see that no one took advantage of any member of his family. Those who were not protected by a father were truly disadvantaged persons. The two most common categories of "fatherless" people were widows and orphans. Four specific duties of a father toward his son, as stated in the Jewish writings were:

Economically, the father was to provide for the needs of the various members of his family. From time to time, however, a lazy person failed to provide for his family. The apostle Paul rebuked those who considered themselves Christians, but who did not look after the needs of their families.

The New Testament does not contradict the Old Testament teachings regarding marriage. Most teaching on marriage in the New Testament comes from Jesus and the apostle Paul. Our emphasis will be on the teachings from the apostle Paul and on the respective roles for both husband and wife.

Probably, this section in scripture has been one of the most maligned and ignored sections in the scriptures by many a husband and wife, unless and until an argument comes. Then the mates read passages to each other from this chapter reminding them of their perspective roles instead of doing it themselves. The fact is that any Christian couple can have a problem-free marriage. Now, let me define what I mean by a problem-free marriage. What I mean is this:

With all of this in mind, let us now examine God's plan for husband and wife, as described by the defined, divine roles that God has given each of them. First the wives.

Wives, submit yourselves. The devil, your flesh, and the lost society around you will try unceasingly to make you NOT do what God has clearly said in His word to YOU directly concerning your role as a wife. This is nowhere more attacked than in the role of submission to your husband. Before we get into the meat of what this means, I want to look at the language here for a moment. Submit yourselves, is a present tense verb.

• The present tense represents a simple statement of fact or reality viewed as occurring in actual time. In most cases this corresponds directly with the English present tense.

• This verb is also in a middle voice. The middle voice indicates the subject performing an action upon himself (reflexive action) or for his own benefit. It is also a command or an imperative.

• The imperative mood corresponds to the English imperative, and expresses a command to the hearer to perform a certain action by the order and authority of the one commanding. Thus, Jesus' phrase for example, "Repent ye, and believe the gospel" (Mark 1:15) is not at all an "invitation," but an absolute command requiring full obedience on the part of all hearers.

So when the scriptures state for wives to submit themselves unto their own husbands, wives need to understand the following:

Submission to one's husband is a direct act of obedience to God. To reject submission to your husband is to disobey God who is the authority and who gave the command to submit to them. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands. This means that your husband belongs to you. He is yours and you are to submit to HIM. What does it mean to submit? Submit means "to obey, to submit to one's control, to yield to one's admonition or advice." It means that you stop yielding yourselves to another man outside of your husband. It means that you go to your husband first to seek his council, advice and direction. It means that you stop dismantling the divine order that God has given you and obey Him in this area. It means once and for all that you understand that to submit to your husband IS submitting to God. EVEN AS, to the Lord! Does not this raise difficulties with the biblical doctrine of subordination of married women? Not at all, for this doctrine refers to a hierarchy of function, not of dignity or value. There is no inferiority of person implicit in the doctrine. God has designated a hierarchy of responsibility, hence, authority within the family, and he has done so according to the order of creation. But woman's dignity is preserved not only in the fact that she has equal standing in Christ, but also in that the command to submit to her husband's headship is addressed to her. She is told to do this willingly as an act of spiritual devotion and not in response to external coercion. She is to do this because God rests primary responsibility upon her husband for the welfare of the marriage relationship and for the family as a whole. Why do I need to submit to my husband? Does God specifically tell me why I need to do so?

The word "for" should be translated "because." The answer to the question, "why submit", is clearly answered in the next few verses. Why submit to your own husband? BECAUSE, the husband IS the head of the wife. Again grammatical usage’s are important. This verb is also a present tense verb and in an indicative mood.

• The indicative mood is a simple statement of fact.

The husband IS the head of the wife, and that's a fact! This is how the wife, and husband, should see what God has said about this issue. What does it mean, "the husband is the head of the wife?" The word "head" means anything supreme, chief, prominent. Of a husband in relation to his wife, wives need to stop looking at their husbands as equals because they are not equal in terms of rank and authority. The text goes on to say that the husband is the head of the wife, EVEN AS, Christ is the head of the Church. This speaks of God's divine authority. Christ is also described as the Savior of the (Church) body.

Therefore, EVEN AS the Church is obedient to Christ in this manner, let the wives be to their husbands, who belongs to you in every single thing. The headship—submission principle goes beyond any earthly system of thought. God’s principles are based on the order of creation and of the divine plan which He has given. The headship—submission principle works and those who violate it are seen all around us in the myraids of divorces in this world.

Husbands, love your wives dearly, be fond of them. The verb tense is significant also.

• The present tense represents a simple statement of fact or reality viewed as occurring in actual time.

• The active voice represents the subject as the doer or performer of the action. For example, in the sentence "The boy hit the ball," the boy performs the action.

• The imperative mood corresponds to the English imperative, and expresses a command to the hearer to perform a certain action by the order and authority of the one commanding.

Husbands are commanded to love their wives. This is not optional. I often get asked by husbands, "Well what if my wife does this or that?" The issue is what saith the scriptures, not what your wife does as it relates to your response to her.

There is a subtle game that is played by husbands and wives and that is the game of, "Well since he/she is not doing what they are supposed to do, then that means that I'm not supposed to do what I am commanded to do." The facts for both husbands and wives are that the commands to serve in the respective roles do NOT come from each other, but from God. The answer to the question is, husbands, love your wives. How?

EVEN AS or JUST AS, Christ loved the Church. This to me is a greater qualifier than of the woman's role, frankly speaking. But that goes to show us that headship carries the greater responsibility in the marriage. Christ loved the Church as He "gave Himself for it." Christ willingly delivered Himself over to the hands of His enemies in a demonstration of His love for the Church.

The Lord gave Himself for the Church. Now I'm going to take a little liberty here and say that this verse answers the question, "What if my wife, etc..." The Church is not always obedient to Christ, but does that mean that He STOPS loving them? Of course not!

Not only did Christ give Himself willingly for the Church, but He also purified the Church, cleaning her up from her impurities, consecrating and dedicating her to the Father.

Not only is there an initial cleaning of the Church at salvation, but a continued cleansing as Christ removes every spot and wrinkle from her. Christ continues, through the Holy Spirit, to purify those who are His, removing the stain of sin left by their former lives. The relationship that Christ has with His church is that He is one with them. This is what He said in John 17. Christ has given everything for the Church's salvation and growth.

IN THIS MANNER, in the same was that Christ has given everything for the Church, so we are obligated to love our wives, EVEN AS, we love our own bodies. We are one as a marital unit. We have become one flesh in marriage. So much so that when the husband is loving his wife, he is loving himself! When a husband fails to love his wife, he is damaging himself in the process. Some commentators at this point make a reference that this refers to the sexual union between husband and wife. If that be true, then the point I made is even stronger as we will see in 1^st Corinthians 7. Next to the relationship that a believer has with the Lord, the tie between a wife and husband is the strongest tie here on earth. The relationship is sacred and everything involved in it is such. Sexual intercourse between the wife and husband is the ultimate expression of love towards one another, and it should not be cheapened nor minimized! It should never get old. The believing couple who is walking in the Holy Spirit will enjoy the relationship to the full!

We have all heard people say "I hate myself." This is a lie. The problem with man isn't that he doesn't love himself. The problem is that he loves himself alone! In the marital union there is no room for selfishness. We do love ourselves. We don't hate ourselves and this is proven by the way that we provide for our bodies. We take good care of ourselves, keeping it fed and warm and caring for it. In the same way, a man is to love his wife. As he would take care of himself, he would also take care of his wife.

All throughout this portion in Ephesians, Paul eludes to the truth of "oneness" in the relationship between Christ and the Church and in the marital union. He gets his foundation of marriage from the Old Testament itself, proving that God's original plan for marriage has not changed.

So each and every one of you, in this way, keep loving your wife as you would yourself and the wife sees to it that she reverence her husband.

Now we want to look at an area of marriage that is either a source of great blessing or great tragedy. The area of sexual love.

The church of Corinth had written Paul about many areas of the Christian life. Paul now begins for the first time in his letter to the Church to answer some of the concerns on the hearts of the Corinthian believers.

Paul already stated his conclusion on the issue from the beginning: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. To touch means to have intercourse with a woman. This truth was already established in the 6th chapter. Paul of course means sex outside of marriage which he makes clear in verse 2:

This is the answer to every sexual disease problem in the world—marriage. If people would get married and stay married, and stay faithful to their partner, sexually transmitted diseases would end. Safe sex is not the answer. Right sex is the answer and that answer is found in a monogamous marital relationship.

Notice how Paul states it in verse 2:

This means:

• You both belong to each other.
• You do not belong to anyone else.
• You are to devote yourselves sexually, completely to your own mate. It is to be a mutual devotion to each other.

  3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

The marriage contract includes obligations. Both the husband and the wife have duties to each other. Each partner has certain rights that should be respected. Let the husband fulfill his marital duty to his wife and let the wife fulfill her marital duty to her husband. Sex is a part of the marital responsibility of both partners. It is to be demonstrated by a mutual devotion to each other.

I've noticed a subtle switch on the part of Paul's instruction in this verse. In verses 1-3 the injunction is always given to the man first, but in this verse it is given to the woman indicating that this was a major problem with the wives in the marital relationship. (The sex drives in men are stronger and satan uses that to his advantage.) Both partners upon marriage give up the control of their bodies sexually to their partners. It is to be a mutual devotion to each other. It is a fair deduction that some members of the Corinthian Church advocated sexual abstinence in marriage. This is wrong and led to dangerous and needless sins. There is to be a mutual surrender of one’s body to each other.

DO NOT DEPRIVE EACH OTHER. Paul is writing about a practice that was going on between some of the married couples in the Corinthian Church. His clear instruction was that this practice would STOP! There is only one time in scripture that you can restrict yourselves sexually from each other under normal conditions. That will be explained in a moment. The command here is clear: Do not deprive each other sexually. Just stop doing that. EXCEPT:

• It be with consent, (mutual)

• For a time (short)
• That you may give yourselves over to fasting and praying, THEN come together again, lest satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control. Clearly Paul repeats the necessity for married couples to be sexually active. I believe that marital infidelity, and lack of marital devotion is the number one cause of divorces in this country.

We need not fall into the trap of losing sexual love towards each other. The Bible gives us a perfect picture of how marital love should be demonstrated. Let’s look for example at the 4th chapter of the Song of Solomon.

Fair means beautiful. Solomon said, you are beautiful my companion, you are beautiful. The description of her having doves eyes more than likely refers to the solitude of her eyes, and the beauty of them as they were seen behind the wedding veil. He goes on to say that her hair is like a flock of goats that appear from mount Gilead. Most of the Palestinian goats have long wavy black hair. Her hair was long, wavy and black as it peered from her veil.

Her teeth were white like a freshly shorn sheep and perfectly matched like twins.

Her lips were colored in crimson red and her mouth was lovely. Her temples and cheeks were red like a piece of pomegranate and prominent.

Her neck was reflective of her character. She was queenly in her beauty and as awesome as the tower of David in all its strength and beauty.

Her breast were compared to two young gazelle fawns. Looking on the soft coat of a little fawn makes a person want to stroke it. Her breast were so appealing to him that he wanted to caress them. His desire for her continued to increase.

Again this is a reference to her breast smelling attractive and it increased his desire to have them.

Again he repeats to his bride that she was beautiful and there was no physical defect on her.

Leave your thoughts behind and come and let's go to a secluded place where we can concentrate on each other.

His heart was beating faster and faster with desire for his wife. The words, "my sister, my spouse" means "my bride, my young wife." My heart beats faster and faster just at the glance of one of your eyes or at the glance of a pendant from your neck. You have taken my heart away!

How beautiful are thy kisses my bride, my young wife! How much better is thy kisses; better than wine and your perfume better than all spices!

Your lips, my bride, drip honey. Honey and milk are under your tongue and the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. Her kisses were sweeter than honey and milk, and her clothing (negligee) smelled with fragrance.

This speaks of her vagina and the fact that it belonged to her husband and to him alone. It also speaks of the fact that she was a virgin.

These verses all refer to her vagina and the beauty of it and the fact that Solomon's desire would be satisfied through her.

This means that she willingly invited her lover to come into her and possess her sexually. She wants him to enjoy her garden and all of the intimate delights.

It is my hope and prayer that this teaching will be helpful in this critical area of marriage.